Should you fix a broken relationship? Is it time?

BY DOMINIQUE JAMES

What is there to fix? A cynic might ask. And yes, that cynic is me. Most people would take the notion that it is just but right to fix relationships that are broken. It takes a deep understanding of other people, and unfathomable depths of humility to be able to take the initiative to fix a broken relationship.

It can be with any member of your family. Or someone from within your circle of friends. Or, it can also be someone from work. In our life, and in any one’s lifetime, there must be that one person whose relationship with us needs fixing.

What is the point of fixing a broken relationship? For the longest time, I thought it was because it is but proper to treat everyone with kindness. In this circle of life, we know that we should embrace humanity in totality, and yes, that includes fixing broken relationships. How else can motivate ourselves to take on the gut-wrenching task of turning a wrong things right? Yes, even if we know that we are right to begin with.

It takes a bigger man, therefore, to initiate something as soldering back in place a broken “piece” of relationship.

In my life, I had to do it once. With a friend. To begin with, it was my fault. And I know, instinctively, that I had to do something about it.

I used to have a friend, a close friend. Almost a best friend. Something happened. Something really, really bad happened. In one of those uncontrollable fleeting moments, a fine relationship was ended.

Up to that time, it became the biggest loss of my life.

I’ve lost a lot of stuff throughout my lifetime. But, most of them, I’ve somehow managed to recover. One way or the other, I was able to recoup them. Some the easy way, others the hard way.

But when it comes to the loss of my friend, a very simple “sorry” didn’t quite cut it. I tried, and it did not work. Several times. Despite the fact that i had to say it more than once, and in different ways, the word “sorry” just wasn’t enough. I didn’t need to prove anything, of course, but I know I have to go out of my way to demonstrate not only my remorse but also my intent to fix it, to rebuild it.

It took several years before I was able to “recoup” that loss of a valued friendship. But even then, I knew, and felt, that things will never be the same again. For me, it was a painful realization. I knew that something got unhinged. And like our favorite nursery rhyme character, Humpty Dumpty, falling from a brick wall where he was sitting, and no matter how much I wish it, I couldn’t possibly put back the relationship with my friend the way it used to be.

But then again, I just had to try. It was worth saving. It was my duty to put it back together again. To fix a broken relationship. Like a beautiful vase that is marred with a small accidental chip, and then glued back, it will not look as beautiful as it originally looked. The chip, no matter how unobtrusive, will just seem glaring. It is a mark that forever marred a fine surface.

And so, that’s the same with the friendship that I tried to fix. But I just persisted. I just didn’t think about the possibility that it will be broken forever. I knew I had to do something. If there was anything in my life that was worth saving, that friendship was one of them. Or, perhaps, at that time, it seemed like it was the only broken thing in my life that was somehow actually worth saving.

I was, of course, very motivated. Because I know, it was important to me. It has a value and meaning that I uphold and treasure. But what if a relationship doesn’t have that compelling sense of value? That we tell ourselves that we can go on with our life without it really making any difference in how our future will shape up. Well, that’s another matter altogether. It is tough because we need to be motivated to do something like this. It is not as if we can do it just like that. We need to summon the courage and we need to mine the sincerity of our motive in order to make the action worth its weight in gold.

Not all of our relationship with all people are the same. We value some more than the other. And so, the challenge when it comes to fixing a broken relationship is how we will be able to handle it, with all the humanity, and the humility, and the patience, that is in each of us, no matter on which scale of importance it sits.

At times, we may not see the “value” of fixing a relationship, and at best, we can just ignore it. But a broken relationship will come back time and again to haunt us. It is like a stone tied to our throats. We carry that heavy weight all around. We become a prisoner to it. And we know, the only way we can free ourselves from it, is to fix it.

In your life, see which relationships are broken. And in your life, how do you work things out to fix them?